[closed post] aftermath

[protagonisthalo]

More than anything, Luo Binghe wishes this weren't so familiar. He is well accustomed to people drawn in by his beauty and charm, who turn away when they see what he is truly like. It has happened with nearly all of his wives, except Liu Mingyan. (He would love to see Liu Mingyan right now; how she would laugh at the idea that barely a day of torment inflicted on an enemy has caused all this trouble.)

It is still hard to believe Shen Yuan will not someday reach his limit and discover something that repulses him. But so far, no matter how deep he digs into Luo Binghe's darkness, he only fills it with light. Luo Binghe wants that feeling now. He wants to bathe in Shen Yuan's love and forgiveness; to transform under the light of his smile into someone worth loving. (A dose of sharp pain as he remembers the wish he involuntarily expressed to Claudius under the truth spell: I want to be proven wrong. I want someone to see some good in me that I did not recognize, and show me what it is. Shen Yuan has not yet convinced him, but he has come closer than Luo Binghe thought possible.) He is looking for Shen Yuan, following the pull of the blood they share, but if he passes by anyone else he counts as a friend, he will want to see them too.

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[protagonisthalo]

From his people—his wives and courtiers and generals, Mobei-jun, Sha Hualing and so on—Luo Binghe demands utmost subservience. He has yet to learn what shape a friendship might take outside of that strict hierarchy, and new to recognizing the value of it. But he has seen, with Nina—and even with Sagramore—that such a thing doesn't have to be to his detriment, as he always feared. He is new to relationships that do not feel like a threat to be managed. So it takes him a moment to think what he wants.

"To stay by my side, and to defend me to others."

[kadewest]

"And so someone whose loyalty bears no weight is someone who only defends you in certain circumstances? Or not at all?"

[protagonisthalo]

"Yes. Someone who drops their defense of me when questioned or criticized."

[kadewest]

Kade doesn't know a lot about Luo Binghe's schtick, but he does know precisely what his own boundaries are. "Have you ever murdered a bunch of people you call friends to create a skeleton key with their body parts so you can open a Door to your preferred World, and then once there engaged in a nonconsensual bodyswap with your twin sister so that your vampire master can turn you into his blood-daughter and you can reign terror over a small village?" he asks.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe thinks about this carefully. "No."

[kadewest]

"Then I can't imagine we'll have a problem," Kade says. "As long as it's not a dealbreaker that I'm tremendously new to making adult friends."

[protagonisthalo]

Some of the tension in Luo Binghe's shoulders eases—but very little. He was slow to trust before Sagramore broke things off with him, and he will be even more careful from now on. Still, this bolsters his initial positive impression of Kade. "I am as well," he says—there's no point in hiding it, when many here already know. "I recently had someone I thought was a friend turn on me. Perhaps my inexperience caused me to misjudge the situation."

[kadewest]

"Turn on you?"

[protagonisthalo]

"End our association." It is impossible to believe Kade will not learn of this story eventually, so as weary as Luo Binghe is of talking about it, he tries again. "In my world, I am Emperor. I am accustomed to assassination plots, villains targeting me or my wives. When I first came here, I naturally thought that's what this was—some trap meant to deceive or distract me. I suspected everyone, and I treated some people harshly. But it has been over half a year since then, and I have learned better. And yet someone close to me recently broke ties over an incident that occurred shortly after we arrived. That is why I am finding it difficult to trust my connections."

[kadewest]

Kade tilts his head back, peering up at Luo Binghe. This seems like something they should probably talk about at greater length. "Alright," he says. "Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to talk about something else?"

[protagonisthalo]

The more they talk about it, the more Kade may change his mind about taking Luo Binghe's side. He hates that he must worry about it, and cannot simply rely on his power to keep the people he wants near. "Your students. The ones who have difficulty adjusting to new worlds. What do you tell them?"

[kadewest]

"Honestly? It depends on the student." Kade leans against the wall: back and shoulders to it, foot propped up behind him. "Different ones have different needs, based on their experiences in their old Worlds and on coming back to Earth. Always the truth, though. I'll lie to their parents a million times, but never them." He thinks for a moment. "I might tell them that it'll be hard work, and sometimes settling in will feel impossible. That they might not have any other choice, though, if they want to be part of a world, since Doors are never a guarantee. The way I deliver the message will vary, of course."

[protagonisthalo]

"Hm." Luo Binghe refuses to be comforted by this; he does not need assurance meant for a child, especially not from someone who looks to be around his own age. If there is a part of him that is soothed, it is through satisfaction in his own judgment, that Kade is a kind and thoughtful person.

"And what of this world? What strikes you about it? To me, it has often seemed a test. As though events transpire to force me into discomfort, or lead me to question my assumptions. It is a small and sparse place, yet its simplicity is a trick; its challenges lie in one's own heart. I do not think I am the only one so targeted."

[kadewest]

"I think this one is... an adjustment," Kade says, after reflecting seriously on the question for a moment. "A really unexpected adjustment. I think it's particularly difficult to figure out how to proceed in a place that clearly isn't lawless Nonsense, but where there isn't a long-established society with rules you can easily learn and follow. The fact that so many people here have such wildly different sources is..." Kade purses his lips. "Extremely fucking complicated."

[protagonisthalo]

"Exactly," Luo Binghe says with feeling. "On first arrival, it seemed—people behaved differently than I expected." Women, mostly. "I am a man of great confidence in my own realm. But my usual ways have failed me, and the path I forge now is lost in mist, its direction veiled."

[kadewest]

"What's your usual way?"

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe notes a rising self-consciousness before he answers, an anxiety around what Kade will think of him that makes him frown. This is exactly why he does not have friends. Is he really meant to think that worrying about "fitting in" is a better way to live? Everyone else seems to think so. It is vexing. "It's not important. My world is different, and such things as made sense there do not make sense here."

[kadewest]

"Oh, sure, I'd imagine as much. You said something about rifts in reality and frequent marriages, right? I bet it's much harder for you, since a lot of people here seem to come from at least the same base World, even if it's from different times and places therein." He confesses, "I'm really just asking because I'm in inveterate chronicler of World differences."

[protagonisthalo]

This eases some of Luo Binghe's tension. "You might say that power is evaluated differently, especially in the demon realm. Strength is social currency to demons. The strongest fighter becomes the ruler. Humans may find it barbaric, but it is at least straightforward. And to fight someone is not an insult, it is a simple exercise to determine the appropriate hierarchy. I am the strongest demon, and my subjects' loyalty is unassailable, but if any distant lord or princess were to best me in combat, most of my subjects would forsake me for that person. Which is not to say there is no such thing as treachery—but if I were to fail to root out treachery in my court, that would also be a failure of strength. What I am saying is that hierarchy is deeply important to demons, and there is no room for leniency in maintaining it."

These are things that bubbled up in his mind as he left Sagramore's presence; he would like to go back to that parlor and say them, but he also could not tolerate defending his actions to someone who has already made their mind up about him. It helps to explain himself to Kade instead.

[kadewest]

"Yeah, that's pretty common in a number of Worlds I've heard of," Kade says. He looks around--they're still standing in the middle of the hall. "Do you want to find a place to sit and chat?"

[protagonisthalo]

"Alright."

[kadewest]

Kade leads them into a nearby parlor and takes a seat. "So," he says. "Strength, power, and hierarchy?"

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe takes a seat across from him, settling into a casual posture. He is anxious about friendships, but sitting like this, Kade could almost be one of his wives, and Luo Binghe is very much in the habit of gloomily pontificating to his wives. "It's been the lesson of my life. That everything depends on power, and that strength is the only way to achieve it. When I was a child, those with authority tried to kill me; now that I am Emperor, many still try, but I no longer fear them. You see? There is no stopping the cruelty of the world, there is only gaining enough strength to endure it."

[kadewest]

Kade nods slowly. "Right," he says. "And it's really fucking hard to shed that kind of worldview even if the environment changes considerably."

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe nods, deeply grateful. "Hard to even convince oneself it needs to be shed."