[closed post] aftermath

[protagonisthalo]

More than anything, Luo Binghe wishes this weren't so familiar. He is well accustomed to people drawn in by his beauty and charm, who turn away when they see what he is truly like. It has happened with nearly all of his wives, except Liu Mingyan. (He would love to see Liu Mingyan right now; how she would laugh at the idea that barely a day of torment inflicted on an enemy has caused all this trouble.)

It is still hard to believe Shen Yuan will not someday reach his limit and discover something that repulses him. But so far, no matter how deep he digs into Luo Binghe's darkness, he only fills it with light. Luo Binghe wants that feeling now. He wants to bathe in Shen Yuan's love and forgiveness; to transform under the light of his smile into someone worth loving. (A dose of sharp pain as he remembers the wish he involuntarily expressed to Claudius under the truth spell: I want to be proven wrong. I want someone to see some good in me that I did not recognize, and show me what it is. Shen Yuan has not yet convinced him, but he has come closer than Luo Binghe thought possible.) He is looking for Shen Yuan, following the pull of the blood they share, but if he passes by anyone else he counts as a friend, he will want to see them too.

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[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe lets Shen Yuan pet him, soothed by his familiar beloved irritation with the Blood at Dusk series. He was reading Shen Yuan's notes on the book when Sagramore came to comfort him and they fell into bed the second time. The memories hurt; Luo Binghe knows himself well enough to know such a sharp edge will take a long time to dull.

It is worse to think of how Sagramore must be doing some version of this same reckoning, retreating to Claudius—or perhaps his husband—or some other of his innumerable friends and lovers, and telling them he has parted ways with Luo Binghe. Undoubtedly, they are assuring him of how right he was to do so, how dangerous and evil Luo Binghe is, how unworthy of forgiveness. None of that is new. Many people in his own world think the same, but Luo Binghe has always been able to either change their minds or vanquish them in combat. He can do neither to Sagramore, and nor does he want to. He won't grovel to him, and even if it weren't for the social consequences, hurting him has little appeal. With no outlet, the hurt is left to fester inside Luo Binghe like an infected wound, poisoning him throughout. Even Shen Yuan cannot fix it, but the fact that he would try makes him unbearably precious. "Jake's feelings for Isabelle always struck me as insincere," he says mildly.

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes fondly. "I know, it was the thing you wrote most often in the margins of Moonless Midnights. But don't tell me you like him with Kathlauren? If they had to write him a romance, couldn't it have been someone outside of that whole thing? Why not make him gay or something? I still don't think it would make sense, but it would be better than fucking time travel. And it would explain the vibes in that one shirtless scene in the snow."

Wow, listen to him. He sounds like a MoBing shipper or something. He knows this is just distraction for Binghe, helping him not dwell on his hurt. But that's necessary sometimes, right? He knows Binghe usually broods and broods. It's part of his sex appeal. But that doesn't make it healthy, necessarily. If sounding like a fujoshi is what it takes to help his boyfriend process hurt better, so be it.

[protagonisthalo]

"That would have been better," Luo Binghe concedes. "Are you suggesting there was tension between Jake and Ted?"

The answer doesn't really matter. He's only asking because he knows Shen Yuan will give a long answer. He doesn't want to think about Sagramore, because he cannot figure out what to do, and doing nothing at all is terrifying. Instead, he closes his eyes and settles in to be petted and lectured at.

[peaklordshen]

"Oh, I don't think it was well-written tension," Shen Yuan says archly, and leans down to kiss Binghe's sweet head. "It's just one of many things that could have been explored in the hands of a competent writer." He kisses him again. "I'm starting to think there are a lot of heterosexual love triangles that have a little bit of queerness to them, you know?" A kiss between every sentence, just because he can. "Like, not all of the aggression is really about jealousy." Kiss. "Sometimes a guy is obsessed with fighting another guy because he's obsessed with that guy, not the love interest they share." Kiss—and a little nuzzle to his temple. He smells so good. "On the other hand, sometimes a love triangle is so toxic that nobody there can be anything but straight." Kiss. "Like in..."