protagonisthalo: (cry)
Luo Binghe ([personal profile] protagonisthalo) wrote2023-10-20 05:41 pm

[closed post - in an atmospherically gloomy room]

Luo Binghe is not proud of it, but he has spent the entire day rereading the first volume of Blood at Dusk. He's not hiding, but he has no desire to see anyone—except perhaps Nina, but when he ventured out to find her, he heard what sounded like a large number of people talking in one of the bars and turned away. He should have keyed the talisman the other way around, so he could call her. It's selfish, but he feels like being selfish.

So now he is curled up in one of the lounge areas and reading the book Shen Qingqiu gave back to him. It's the margin notes that are getting to him. Shen Qingqiu's casual writing is messier than the meticulous calligraphy on the invitation he sent, and alive with his personality—it grows sloppy when Shen Qingqiu finds something to be passionate about, then small and cramped, almost frantic as he tries to fit all his thoughts on the page. He may not be the true Shen Qingqiu, but he has a scholar's mind, criticizing certain scenes as "derivative", or the dialogue as "unrealistic." Luo Binghe treasures every note, every insight into Shen Qingqiu's mind—every opportunity to picture him hunched over the book, his cherished forehead creased with focus as he jotted down this litany of complaints.

And besides reading Shen Qingqiu's notes, Luo Binghe is reading the book. Despite what Shen Qingqiu derides as a "standard supernatural romance," Luo Binghe is not too hardened to be moved by the mishaps of Ted and Isabelle. Ted is drawn to Isabelle for reasons he cannot explain, and tries his best to care for her despite his melancholic nature. Despite the fact that he's never learned how to care for anyone. He sees, in Isabelle, salvation from his life of endless darkness, of the self-loathing nightmare of being a monster. He loves her, even though she is purely beautiful and good, and he lives in a world of blood and filth that has corrupted him utterly. And Isabelle loves him, but fears him. She is right to; what he wants from her is more than she can give, and he will never stop wanting it, no matter how much she tries to appease him. His monstrous nature would overwhelm her if she let it; it's best for her to run.

If one could die of heartbreak, Luo Binghe would have dropped dead right after his mother. So he knows he must simply continue enduring it. He runs his fingers over Shen Qingqiu's notes, reading every one five times over before moving on, wishing the book was longer.
peaklordshen: (distressed)

[personal profile] peaklordshen 2023-10-21 03:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Shen Qingqiu is drunk and making his way from the bar toward the outside, which might treat him better than inside, when he passes the lounge where Luo Binghe reclines. He freezes, in the doorway, staring. He's supine, like a great lion upon a sun-warmed stone, reading Blood at Dusk with meticulous care, and the warm light beside him turns the planes of his beautiful face tawny and gold. Shen Qingqiu's throat hurts. He opens his mouth to say something, to apologize, to throw himself on Luo Binghe's mercy—just let me sit by you, we don't even need to talk—but sheer longing chokes him. He can't stop staring at the gentleness with which he touches the pages, the way the tip of his index finger scans the lines—not just those printed, but Shen Qingqiu's own embarrassing chicken-scratch notes.
peaklordshen: (distressed)

[personal profile] peaklordshen 2023-10-22 02:59 pm (UTC)(link)
When Luo Binghe meets his eyes Shen Qingqiu closes his mouth with a snap. He fumbles for his fan to hide whatever his expression he's making, but it eludes him, slipping from his fingers, and he turns away in a panic. Sorry, he thinks, loudly, as he flees sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I know you don't want me here, but god, is he really not even allowed to look? Is he doomed to live in the same house—albeit an enormous one—with Luo Bingge, and not be able to see him, cross paths with him occasionally, watch him speak and smile and crush his enemies from afar?

He hadn't given much credence to the theory that this could be the afterlife—he'd already lived a lot of an afterlife, in PIDW, and he hadn't died again before coming here—but that, in this moment, feels like an accurate description of hell.
sagramore: (Default)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 03:03 am (UTC)(link)
Sagramore leans in the doorway and smiles at him. "My lord."
sagramore: (Default)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 12:04 pm (UTC)(link)
"No, no, I didn't expect you would be. May I come in?"
sagramore: (Default)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 12:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Sagramore comes in and sits down beside him companionably. "What are you reading?"
sagramore: (tender)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 01:18 pm (UTC)(link)
"Yes, I think that follows." Sagramore is not, by nature, a meddler. He's seen enough court drama, the ins and outs of love, to want no particular part of it (not that he hasn't still been involved in some of it himself). It's not his intention to meddle now. "How are you?"
sagramore: (tender)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 02:01 pm (UTC)(link)
He reaches over, putting his hand on top of Luo Binghe's and squeezing it gently. "Yes, I've-- I understand."
sagramore: (tender)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 06:06 pm (UTC)(link)
"I have spoken with him. He's-- do you want my opinion?"
sagramore: (let's talk)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 06:29 pm (UTC)(link)
"I think he cares enormously for you, but he has no high opinion of himself and no particular understanding of what he actually wants." He looks at Luo Binghe. "You seem to understand yourself fairly well. Men and women?"
sagramore: (let's talk)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 06:38 pm (UTC)(link)
"I feel perfectly confident in saying he also desires you. He just hasn't worked it out yet. --I think. We talked about it, but--"
sagramore: (let's talk)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Sagramore shifts himself so that his back is against the arm of the couch, which makes it easier to look at Luo Binghe. "Where you come from, is it frowned upon? It is where I am. Someone like me (or you) would be considered sinful. --I don't know whether that means anything to you, actually, but my point is that there's a great deal to be gained in appearing, ah, straight, and a great deal to be lost in the reverse. I've known more than a few men who would prefer to think themselves otherwise. And I've know more than a few men who would rather I thought they were repulsed by me than by themselves."
sagramore: (seriously?)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
"He's a what? --No, no, never mind, it doesn't matter. Yes. It's because you're a man. He told me himself he was devastated he couldn't return your affections because he doesn't like men. And then he talked about you in ways that certainly convinced me he likes men, or at least he likes you."
sagramore: (smile)

[personal profile] sagramore 2023-10-23 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
He can't help smiling, at least in part because this conversation seems infinitely less disastrous than the one with Shen Qingqiu. "Listen, I'm telling you what I believe, which is that he's stupid about you. I don't know whether he believes that yet, you understand?"

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