[closed post] mid-winter blues

[protagonisthalo]

At this point, Luo Binghe would prefer to spend all of his time with Shen Yuan. Perhaps it's Xin Mo's presence, or perhaps Liu Mingyan's visit stirred up fears that his Empire could be adjusting to his absence, healing around the wound he left until there is no longer a place for him. Or perhaps his conversation with Aornis has wakened the dormant paranoia that the residents of the mansion are turning against him, his efforts to build friendships laughable in the face of twenty-five years of being everyone's enemy. Regardless of the reason, he is restless and moody, expecting the worst in every shadow. It's only with Shen Yuan that he feels at ease.

But Shen Yuan has friends and hobbies, and as much as Luo Binghe wants to monopolize all of his time, he still fears Shen Yuan learning the worst of him—how needy he is, how dark and pessimistic and impossible to satisfy. He spent the morning cooking for Shen Yuan's lunch, and now he's curled up in a lounge, morosely reading The 5 Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

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[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan slips into the lounge, both hands behind his back. Obviously he can't actually sneak up on Luo Binghe, who is aware of him at all times and would be even if he didn't have parasites in his blood, but he's hoping if he telegraphs his sneaky movements Binghe will indulge him and pretend not to notice.

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe does indulge him. He remains apparently focused on his book, waiting for Shen Yuan to greet him, but every bit of awareness is now centered on Shen Yuan's presence. His aura warms, his glacial mood thawing.

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan sneaks up behind the couch and pulls his hands from behind his back, bringing them around Binghe's shoulders present him with one single pink-frosted cupcake, dotted with sparkly silver sprinkles and adorned with one wavering birthday candle. He rests his chin atop Binghe's head. "Surprise," he says, soft and fond. "Happy Birthday."

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe expected the hug, but the little cake genuinely startles him. He sets the book down and takes it, cupping both hands around it like it's something fragile. The little candle burns merrily. "What's this?"

[peaklordshen]

"It's a cupcake," explains Shen Yuan. He swings himself over the back of the couch so he's sitting next to Binghe. "It's, um, a little cake you make in a cup!" People make cupcakes in tins, now, but he's pretty sure they used to make them in cups - why else would it be called a cupcake? "I didn't make this one—I asked the Mansion for it, which is why it's pink, it would not give me any other color icing no matter what I asked—because I wanted you to actually, like, enjoy eating it." He snuggles into Binghe's side. "The candle is a birthday thing. You blow the candle out, and make a wish."

[protagonisthalo]

"I love it," Luo Binghe says immediately, without even trying it. He's giddy about Shen Yuan being near him, touching him, bringing him a special treat. Some of the constant wrenching pressure of simply being Luo Binghe eases just being near him. He blows the candle out, but his mind is empty—everything he wants is right here. "I've never celebrated my birthday, but I guess you're right—it's mid-winter." The coldest part of the year is all he knows about when he was born; sometime in winter he usually remembers to add a year to his age. Twenty-six, then. Almost a full decade since Shen Qingqiu banished him to the Abyss.

[peaklordshen]

"It's today, specifically," says Shen Yuan. "I did the math. I looked up the average coldest days for the climate along the Luo River, and there were some hints about when your mom—anyway, it wasn't hard." He shakes his head in clearly pleased exasperation. "And then I had to do the math again to figure out the conversion between my calendar and the Mansion's calendar, but—yeah, it's today. January 19th, the first of Hesione." It had felt correct, that it be the first of something, not just of the month but of the season, even if that meant that here Binghe's birthday wasn't really midwinter anymore.

[protagonisthalo]

"It's today?" Luo Binghe repeats, hardly believing it. His birthday is a lot of things; besides the day he was born, it is the anniversary of his birth mother's death, the anniversary of his first abandonment. His first loss. On Qing Jing Peak there was nothing to celebrate in the dead of winter, not for the rejected disciple who had to shiver outside in the woodshed, stealing whatever blankets he could or making his own pathetic little fire where it wouldn't be extinguished by damp snow. It's always been a reminder of how the fates are against him—his chance of survival so low, as an infant adrift on an icy river, that it seems improbable, undesirable, that he survived at all. But Shen Yuan, a youth from another world who had never even met Luo Binghe, bothered to do research and calculations to learn when Luo Binghe was born, just to celebrate it.

[peaklordshen]

"Yep," says Shen Yuan, happily. He's not unaware of the turmoil rolling off Binghe in waves, but he is getting kind of used to it—every time Shen Yuan does anything new and remotely nice, he gets like this. It tends to unbalance him before he can fully accept it, even when it's something this minor. He leans up to kiss Binghe on the cheek. "I'm really glad you were born," he says, which is the way he can say it while crediting Airplane the least.

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Hey, you." Janet plunks herself down next to him. Because it's his birthday, she doesn't even laugh out loud when she sees the book he's reading. "Congratulations on being born."

[protagonisthalo]

Luo Binghe is much happier after seeing Shen Yuan, and so unaccustomed to receiving birthday wishes that he goes a little pink. "Shen Yuan told you?"

[sorrowandsorrow]

"No, I know because I can do magic," Janet says dryly, but then she grins at him. "Yes, Shen Yuan told me. You're younger than me? Seriously?"

[protagonisthalo]

"I know it's hard to believe that I've accomplished so much at so young an age," he says, and grins back at her. "I didn't even know when it was. Shen Yuan told me it was my birthday."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Gee, I think he might like you," she deadpans. "You want a celebratory drink or something? I didn't really have a chance to go shopping, because there are no stores here and anyone can just magic up anything they want."

[protagonisthalo]

"He's obsessed with me," Luo Binghe says smugly. "And yes."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"He's so obsessed with you. It's pretty pathetic." Janet mostly sounds fond about it. "Any requests?"

[protagonisthalo]

"I liked the drink you made last time," Luo Binghe says thoughtfully. "Will you show me another from your world?"

[ravkanwitch]

Nina slinks in a while later with something wrapped up in tissue paper, sitting down next to him and nudging him with an elbow. "A little bird told me that today's your birthday."

[protagonisthalo]

This is now the third time in Luo Binghe's life that someone has given him birthday greetings, and he is still getting used to it. Did Shen Yuan tell everyone? It has never bothered Luo Binghe not to have a day to celebrate, or at least it didn't seem important compared to the absence of family and home. But apparently it did bother Shen Yuan, and affection for him and Nina both makes Luo Binghe's heart swell until it threatens to burst. "It is," he agrees.

[ravkanwitch]

"Happy birthday! I made something for you," Nina tells him cheerfully, offering the tissue paper-wrapped item to him. When he opens it, it's a thin bracelet that at first glance looks like it might be made out of small pearls -- but it's bone. Small, polished beads made of bone. She pulls her sleeve up to show him that she's wearing a similar one on her wrist. "It's a friendship bracelet."

[protagonisthalo]

"You made this?" In Luo Binghe's world, he is typically showered with gifts and tribute; hundreds vie for his favor every day. But this is like the awful congee Shen Yuan made him. Something Nina actually put time and care into, not to climb the palace ranks, but just to show her affection for him. Precious beyond words. His eyes burn dangerously.

He slips the bracelet onto his wrist, admiring the bone-white against his usual black. "This is a truly fine thing."

[ravkanwitch]

Nina nods, somewhat embarrassed now (but also pleased). “I made it today when I found out— but I’m glad you like it. Have you had a good birthday?”

[protagonisthalo]

"Your friendship has value beyond measure to me," Luo Binghe says. He wipes at the corner of his eye, self-conscious. "It's been—very good. Shen Yuan brought me a cupcake."

[ravkanwitch]

"You've been a good friend to me as well. There aren't many people who can reconcile this--" meaning just her, her outward personality "--with my past. But enough about that. It's your birthday. What do you want to do? We should do something fun!"

[protagonisthalo]

"I don't really do anything for fun. At home, I train and spar, or attend to problems facing my subjects. Here I cook or read." He tries to think of any times he's spent in leisure. At Qing Jing Peak, he used to spend all his spare time in frantic cultivation practice or at the library studying. Before that, though— "You've found a lot of bones here, haven't you? We used to play a game in my village with the anklebones of sheep or goats."