protagonisthalo | [closed post] everything ends

Entry tags:

closed post

[closed post] everything ends

((cw: death & gun violence))

Luo Binghe typically comes to full alertness instantly upon waking, his instincts honed by years of constant danger. This time he drifts in and out, his mind struggling to free itself from the mud several times before it's pulled under again.

The fourth time he wakes, there is a little space in his head for thought. He is able to wonder what he's doing here, why he isn't in his bed, especially with Shen Yuan's warm weight on his lap—

Not warm. Luo Binghe's eyes fly open, and red fills his vision. Shen Yuan, limp in his arms, blood all over both of them and the floor. He cups Shen Yuan's face—right where he must have already cupped it, if the fingerprint smears of blood are any indication—and sheer panic, as strong and sudden as pain, overrides the dullness throughout his body. "Shen Yuan," he gasps, putting a hand to his lover's chest. Dried blood nearly obscures the small, deep wound there. He leans down to put his cheek next to Shen Yuan's lax mouth. No breath. No qi emanates from his body either, not even as much as a mortal human would have, as though Shen Yuan were an inanimate object.

Luo Binghe stares, frozen. An old darkness is stirring in him. His mother, lifeless on her sleeping mat in their little shack, unable to take even a bite of the congee he'd brought her. He knows how it is to lose something irreplaceable; his body knows the path of it. What seems impossible, in time, comes to feel inevitable. Luo Binghe can no longer imagine what his life would have been like if his mother hadn't passed. But here, in the suspended instant of loss, it still feels possible to reverse it. The world has shifted, but not yet settled into its new shape. Shen Yuan was just here—the last thing Luo Binghe remembers is welcoming him to their anniversary dinner—and it seems trivially easy to reach back, pull him out of that memory and overwrite the bloody tableau in front of him. He gazes at Shen Yuan, seeing without understanding, his mind fighting for each last moment of blankness before comprehension ruins him.

Magnus, he thinks, his mind moving slow as honey. He needs Magnus; Magnus will help. He gathers Shen Yuan in his arms and pushes himself to his feet, swaying dangerously. He feels scoured out, limbs numb, his body pushed past some breaking point he doesn't remember hitting. Xin Mo is at his feet. The sight of it rouses fear that Luo Binghe doesn't understand; his mind is too preoccupied keeping itself empty to think about it. He leaves it on the floor and stumbles toward the hallway, Shen Yuan nauseatingly limp in his arms. Magnus lives outside—or did he move inside?—no matter. Luo Binghe will check every room in this place if he has to.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

"I saw your memories. There was a chandelier that fell? Kind of like the fan, with me? And then a hovering gun..." Magnus is frowning. It makes no sense. It's hard to focus, with Shen Yuan cold, waxen, limp in front of him, his pulseless wrist in Magnus's hand. Frankly, he wants to scream. This isn't supposed to happen. Not here. Especially not to a guy whose relationship to mortality ~~was~~ is was, Magnus thought, like his own.

He likes Luo Binghe well enough. He can't picture this guy doing the same things now he did in the past. But he's well aware they're not close, not specifically friends. Not like Nina and Luo Binghe. "Should I get Nina?"

Luo Binghe squeezes his eyes shut, trying hard to remember. If Magnus saw his memories, they must be within him somewhere. But it's useless, even with Magnus easing Xin Mo's other effects; the wound it inflicted on his memory has already scarred. And even without Xin Mo's influence, his mind is fractured, unable to focus with Shen Yuan still and cold in his arms.

He has been avoiding using Xin Mo. He would not have drawn it for no reason. He must have been fighting someone, someone powerful, and then Xin Mo turned on him and he passed out, unable to save Shen Yuan from...

But a cultivator of Shen Yuan's caliber should have been able to endure it. Nothing makes sense, least of all the body in his arms. "Yes," he says, "Nina." She's very powerful too, even though her powers of healing are gone, and she's clever, and perhaps she can fix this. Luo Binghe looks down at Shen Yuan's slack face, his insides turning to ice. There has to be someone who can, or nothing makes sense.

"I'll have to let go to get her," Magnus warns. He's warning both of them, actually. He doesn't want to let go of Shen Yuan. Just in case...

But no. Magnus should be more pragmatic about death. He's dead, after all. His mom is dead. He knows better than most that death doesn't give a shit. Shen Yuan is dead, again, for a second time, and like all second real deaths Magnus has heard of, it seems like it's for keeps. He grits his teeth and sets his jaw. He still doesn't want to let go.

Unless -- SecUnit? SecUnit probably has a drone around to send for Galahad, if Magnus needs help. Maybe he could ask it to send for Nina. And then he doesn't have to let go.

"Try again," Luo Binghe pleads. He hates the sound of it from his mouth, pathetic, as if not even he believes it will help, but just maybe one more time.

Magnus can feel himself flagging. He doesn't care. He takes a deep breath and tries to will Shen Yuan's heart into beating again, even just once.

It doesn't.

If Shen Yuan were alive, Magnus would be crushing his hand. He probably is crushing his hand. But Shen Yuan doesn't care. Shen Yuan is dead.

"SecUnit?" Magnus calls. He doesn't want to let go. "SecUnit? Are you there? Can you get Nina?"

The drone is set to activate as soon as it detects Magnus's or Galahad's voice raised on the word SecUnit. (Because Murderbot knew they were never going to remember whatever secret code they came up with when they actually needed it.) It does so now. It pings SecUnit, and also makes a literal ping! noise as it emerges from the foliage.

"Copy," says the tinny little voice. Then it says, with considerably more SecUnit-like inflection, "What the fuck happened?"

(In the Mansion it's already on its way to Nina's room, at slightly less than top speed, which is still really fucking fast. Simultaneously it tells the nearest drone to notify Galahad as well, having learned its lesson the last time.)

Luo Binghe's heart leaps with strangled hope when Magnus summons his warm energy once again, willing Shen Yuan to stir. He can imagine it so clearly: Shen Yuan blinking his eyes open, his sweet forehead creasing at the worry on Luo Binghe's face, reaching up a hand to pat Luo Binghe's head. It's so vivid in his mind that it feels more real than what's in front of him, Shen Yuan still lifeless and unmoving.

"If someone did this—" The thought makes him close his eyes, rage choking the words from his throat. If someone did this, there won't be a hell deep enough for Luo Binghe to bury them in.

"I don't know," Magnus tells SecUnit. "It happened again."

Then he turns to Luo Binghe. This is a risk, but if Magnus is focusing on him and his reaction, he's not focusing on his own. Nina is coming. It'll be okay. "I can't help him," he says, mouth wobbling around the words. "He's gone."

He still doesn't want to let go of Shen Yuan's wrist. He does, though, and goes to pull Luo Binghe into a hug.

"No." Luo Binghes tenses in Magnus' embrace. He is not good at receiving affection, unless it's sexual in nature; he never learned how to trust it. He doesn't want Magnus. He wants Shen Yuan. It's not fair, he already learned this lesson: that you cannot love someone enough to save them from death. He already knows life is unfair, especially to him. He refuses to learn it again.

"I'm locating Nina Zenik now," the little voice says evenly, and, "Code Peepers initiated; proceed?"

It's asking if Magnus wants Galahad to come to him where he is. (Given the presence of Asshole Luo Binghe in what's already a emotionally charged situation, it figures caution is warranted. The last thing anyone needs is for a fistfight to break out.)

Nina is currently leaving her room, on the way to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, so it shouldn't take SecUnit long to find her. "SecUnit?" She asks, curiously. They've never directly sought her out before. They had a brief conversation after the battle against the undead -- but that's been it.

"Nina," it acknowledges, and gets straight to the point. "Magnus wants your help at his campsite. Shen Yuan's dead. Apparently shot with a projectile weapon, they don't know who."

The usual hint of a smile on Nina's face immediately evaporates. She turns pale and grim. "I'm going," she says.

Magnus, meanwhile, isn't letting go of Luo Binghe. This is a massively unknown quantity, and Magnus, too, hates touching most people, but, misplaced or not, for better or for worse, he trusts himself to contain whatever Luo Binghe's grief-stricken reaction might be. He's squeezing and practicing steady breathing, for both their sakes.

As he holds Luo Binghe, he's doing some fast mental arithmetic. Galahad, regardless of what he's said out loud, was upset no one got him when Magnus got hurt. But Magnus didn't die. He was fine. And Magnus is pretty sure Galahad and Luo Binghe don't get along. Plus, given the time of day, Galahad is off having his special solo Hanguang-jun training time.

"I'll find him later," he tells SecUnit, quietly. He feels hollow inside. "Thank you."

Nina hurries up to the campsite, expression worried. She sees Luo Binghe holding Shen Yuan in his arms and she's immediately flung back to the scene under Zentsbridge once again, leaping off the bottleboat, cradling Matthias in much the same way as he slid to the ground with a bullet wound in his chest--

No! Saints, no, this is not the same scene. The same thing is not happening to Shen Yuan. SecUnit had told her that he was dead, but -- but she hasn't confirmed it yet. Magnus is also here, she notes, though her gaze is focused on Shen Yuan and her dear friend as she rushes over to them. They're all powerful. Maybe one of them can do something... Her first reaction, honed by more than a decade of instinct, is to try to reach out and feel Shen Yuan's heart beat. If only she could feel it, she could boost it and heal his wounds, maybe-- but no, that's just a memory, a shadow of her abilities. Instead, the familiar black waters of grief and death surround her. She reaches into them to try and find some essence of Shen Yuan's spirit -- but she still feels nothing. Perhaps a faraway echo of something, but no hint of the familiar voice that she's heard in her mind so many times before.

Nina emerges from the cold and shivers, her throat dry. She swallows, then slides to the ground on the other side of Luo Binghe, just daring to touch his arm with her hand. "What happened?" She asks, voice tiny. She's not certain if he's able to answer at the moment but it's important to hear this from him first.

Waiting here with nothing to do is torturous, panic rising in Luo Binghe's chest until he feels Magnus' embrace as a cage. He doesn't want to be comforted—he doesn't want anyone to look at him as sadly as Magnus is right now. He wants to do something, fight a beast or lead a search for a mystical artifact or some kind of quest that ends with Shen Yuan waking. He is violently glad to see Nina, and then the fear in her voice plunges him back into panic. "I don't know, I can't remember—"

Nina is here; Magnus can let Luo Binghe go. "I saw his memories," he says, flatly — if he emotes, he'll emote. "A hovering gun shot him. After a chandelier fell? It's like. Kind of like what happened to me."

A hovering gun and a falling chandelier? Magnus didn't want to say much about his own experience when they talked about it previously, but that sounds suspiciously close to what Lan Wangji-- Lan Wangji!! The jurda parem. If Nina is able to take it, then there's absolutely a way to bring Shen Yuan back. Before she mentions anything to either Luo Binghe or Magnus, though, she needs to make certain.

For the moment... When someone is harmed in any way, always remember the details, is what Kaz Brekker tells them. Remember them no matter how insignificant they may seem because they're crucial to figuring out who did the deed. Repeating and remembering the details also helps to calm your mind down. She looks at Shen Yuan and notes how he looks now and where the wound is, breath catching a little at his new, flattering haircut-- She takes a deep breath.

"A hovering gun," Nina repeats, sounding more calm now, a comforting hand very confidently on Luo Binghe's arm. She squares her shoulders back and takes another deep breath. "Did you see anything else, Magnus?"

"This is wasting time," Luo Binghe says, voice tight. "If Magnus' powers won't work, we must find someone else—or find some way to compel the Mansion's forces—there is magic here from two dozen realms. Someone must help him."

Magnus shakes his head at Nina -- nothing helpful, he signs; he can't remember if Galahad has taught her anything or not but surely the core sentiment is conveyed. "Luo Binghe..." he says. His voice breaks. Since when is he the guy who has to push for the acceptance of the finality of death? He's literally never had to be that guy before. His entire thing is about dying and it not sticking. Why does it have to stick to Shen Yuan?

"We should at least warn everyone," Nina says, keeping her voice practical. If she focuses on what she can do, she'll keep herself moving forward. "About the danger. If Magnus and I tell people, maybe someone--" She doesn't want to give Luo Binghe false hope, but she has a sliver of hope that she's clinging to.

Luo Binghe couldn't care less about warning other people. There is danger here—from the Mansion, from some unknown resident—and whatever it is, he will find it and eliminate it. But Shen Yuan matters a thousand times more than anyone else here—except Nina. He grasps her hand, squeezing it tightly, abruptly terrified that fate is not finished with him. "Nina, the talisman I gave you, you have it on you?" She is powerful, but Shen Yuan is more powerful, and he still...

Magnus, meanwhile, is turning back to Shen Yuan, carefully lifting the bullet away from his limp form so he can hand it to Nina. He hates this. He hates this!!! He fiddles with Shen Yuan's clothes so that the bloody rip in them is hidden.

Nina nods. "I have the talisman," she confirms. She can still hear Inej's voice ringing in her ears. Let him go, Nina. She shakes her head slightly. Not yet. Not again.

Reality is slipping away from him again; it seems to distort whenever his eyes land on Shen Yuan's beloved face. He wants to retreat to his room and put his head in Shen Yuan's lap, letting Shen Yuan run long fingers through his hair and complain about Luo Binghe's taste in literature. It's not possible that that is lost to him. His thoughts swim around it, making him dizzy and disoriented. He needs to think, it's never been more important for him to figure out what to do, but Shen Yuan is the one who can always calm him down.

He jerks when Magnus touches Shen Yuan's clothing, instinctively protective. Magnus doesn't even think anything can help—he has already given up on Shen Yuan despite their supposed friendship. This mansion is a place where time and space themselves bend around its residents' needs. The boundary between this world and the next may be just as permeable. Luo Binghe will make it be so. He bites the inside of his lip hard enough to taste blood, and regrets it when it makes him want Shen Yuan to fuss over him like he does with any small hurt. This is intolerable.

"I won't accept it," he says, voice hoarse. He stands, holding Shen Yuan closer. Luo Binghe carried him to bed like this just days ago after Shen Yuan showed him his haircut. He'd been so shyly eager for Luo Binghe to see it, so transparently happy at finding a way to differentiate himself further from the person who hurt Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe's eyes ache. He has to get away from Magnus' and Nina's sympathetic gazes.

To Nina he says, "Use it to call me if you discover anything useful, or if you feel yourself in a hint of danger. Otherwise, I'll—I'll handle this myself."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject